Volchok: The Motorcycle Diaries
by CocaineLoveFrenzy
Summary: A Marissa Cooper and Kevin Volchok fanfic. Now all the stories are combined in this edition. Please read and Review. Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

**The Morning After**

Kevin Volchok looked at his watch. It was quarter past four and a dull throbbing enveloped his head. He checks under the covers, no underwear. He smiles. The toilet flushing attracts his attention. He lies there patiently, anticipating for the emergence of the mystery girl in his bathroom.

You see, Volchok was to wasted last night to remember who he had taken home with him, but that was the fun of drinking, the aniticipation the next morning to find out what had happened. The girl softly hums. 'Pretty voice' he thinks to himself.

He see's her silouhette, 'mmm, nice hips, long legs', he mumbles.

"Whats that?" the girl asks. A brunette he always had a thing for brunettes.

"Karen..." he says hesitantly.  
"Yeah?" she replies, Volchok smiles, he obviously didn't drink enough if he could remember her name.  
"You stayin or goin?" he asks, while sparking up a smoke.  
Karen turns around, her hands are up agianst her left ear, she's putting on her earrings.  
"I don't know, you want me to stay or go?"  
Volchok looks at her, he checks her out. She was a looker alright. Her smooth tanned legs were met with small black panties. She's topless.

"Come here." No point in small talk. Volchok knew what he wanted.  
Karen strides over to his bed, Volchok is eye level with her flat belly. she smelt good. like cigerettes and sex, strange combination but to him, nothin smelt better. He grabs her waist and pulls her down, like organised chaos she falls into his arms and his hand swiflty glides her face into his. He kisses her. She lets out a soft moan, and he recognised that moan, every girl had their own unique sounds like an animal, and that moan meant one thing.

He throws her down onto the bed, her arms still wrapped around his neck. He roughly pulls off her underwear, he could hear some of the stitching pop. She didn't care. This wasn't going to be some slow lovemaking session, this was going to be a nice and hard romp. and Karen, well she loved every minute of it.

He could feel her eyes on him, waiting for him to say something sweet. God, just leave already he thought. He takes another drag from his cigerette smothers it in the ashtray, and turns around to face her. Karen's eyes light up. Volchok pulls her on top of him and kisses her passionately, their tongues dancing together, his hand massages her down there, she moans that desperate moan. he pushes her off him and gets up.

"Gotta go babe, got shit to do, you know how it is." He called that 'the last act of passion' before he booted any girl from his place. Give em one last thing to remember him by and out they go.

Karen's mouth tightens. She knew he had given her want she wanted, just like she gave it all to him, but to be asked to leave. What an insult. She suddenly felt cheap. But there was no point in arguing. She got up and put on her clothes. He was standing there, cigerette hanging from his lips, eyes to the ground with a smirk on his face. as she reaches the door, she stops and looks at him. His crystal eyes meet hers and for a second, just a second, she felt that she could really fall for him, and all he had to do was smile. Volchok had more important things to deal with right now. Marissa was due to get to his place at any moment.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Burning Inside**

Marissa lay there, her head propped up by a pillow. Her face being softly illuminated by the tv. She was wearing one of his t-shirts, an old Metallica t-shirt he got at their concerts a few years back. She looked good.

Volchok stood there, in his underwear holding a glass of water, just watching her. A million thoughts raced through his head but none of them could stop him thinking about her. He loved moments like these whenshe'd come over, justto hang out. They didn't even need to have sex. With Marissa he could just watch her, doing the most mundane things. She had him, she had him wrapped around her little delicate fingers, and she didn't even know it.

He could never tell her though. Like the boy who cried wolf. His reputation had ruined whatever real chance he had with her. Was she with him to get back at her mother? No, he knew that couldn't be it. She loved her mother, that Julie Cooper lady, but Marissa didn't care enough to go through this much trouble. He hoped that there was another reason why she hung out with him.

Sometimes, Marissa would come over, and just lie next to him. He knew she was there but he was afraid to open his eyes, he was afraid, like a dream, she would disappear.

Marissa's eyes looked up at him. He stepped forward and gave her the glass of water. She took little sips of it, the glass refracting the light into her eyes. they glowed.

Volchok, got into his bed and kissed her softly on her cheek. Marissa pulled back slightly and gave him a look. A look he was getting more uncomfortable with everytime she gave it to him. Her eyebrows would cringe ever so slightly and it conveyed a question that he asked himself every time he thought about her. 'What are you doing?'.

Everyonebelieved Marissa was using him. Everyone thought he was using her, but she did something to him. He changed somehow and it bothered him. He could never say it out loud. The words, the way he truly felt about her.

Volchok reached over towards the little crate that was his bedside table, and picked up a tin. One of those vintage old cigerette tins. He'd picked it up at a local market that's only open on weekend afternoons. It had rust lining the cover and the faded beige paint was crumbling in certain places.

"You wanna smoke?" he asked Marissa.  
"Mmm hmm." was all she said. He pulled out the papers and the finely chopped weed. He knew marissa hated bongs, so when she was around, he'd roll joints, just for her.  
"Cigerette." he said, Marissa pulled one out from her deck and passed it to him. He was surprised, he didn't know she carried a deck with her, he only thought she smoked when she was around him. It bothered him a little, he didn't want her getting hooked or anything. He mixed the tobacco and weed together and rolled the joint, using a rolled up bit of cardboard for a filter. He sparked it up. The rough smoke burned his throat slightly, the strong taste of weed lingered on his lips. Marissa didn't smoke like him, She took long drags, and she'd hold in the smoke for ages until exhaling. He thought it was strange. Didn't it burn her like it burnt him?

His body relaxed and his mouth started to dry out a little. Marissa passed him the glass of water without him asking. she knew his habits like he knew hers. He didn't care what anyone said, something about them worked. Somehow through this organised chaos, she was his beautiful mess, and he was going to be there to watch over her.

"So how long were you with Lil' Bitch for?" he asked, smirking.  
"We were on and off for a while, and his name's Ryan." Marissa said, still staring at the tv.  
"So it wasn't that serious?" Volchok wanted to know.  
"I wasn't with him very long, but what we had, meant something." she said. Volchok understood. He understood completely.


	3. Chapter 3

**Morning Glory**

Kevin Volchok lay there on his side, his bed was warm and he could sense the early morning sun peaking through the windows. He was warm, he was cosy, and for the first time in a long time, his head didn't ache.

Eyes closed, he tried to pick up on the sound of her breathing. He felt her presence there, just a few inches away from his back. He wanted to turn around and hold her, but he was afraid to. Something held him back.

Marissa slid her body across the sheets, pressing her body against his back. The shape of her body adjusting to match his. She ran her fingers across his stomach, it tightens. She peaked over his head to see his lips form the tiniest of smiles. She grinned. She lay her head down and put her hand flat against his chest. His heart was beating, it was beating faster than it should, especially for a sleeping boy.

He felt her warm hand on his chest and it made him melt, he felt nervous, there were so many things he wanted to say but all he could do was lie in silence. He put his hand on top of hers, pressing it into his chest a little more. If he couldn't tell her how he felt at least he could show her what she did to him.

Marissa kisses his neck. Her soft lips pursed, she kisses his back.

Kevin feels a tingle ripple across his whole body. She had an electric touch, that made his heart beat and his mind melt.

She leans over him again, her hair falls on his cheek, across his eyes. He blinks once, twice. The light momentarily blinding him. Kevin turns around and faces her, but she's gone. Like tears in the rain, his beautiful mess disappears.

He sighs, and pulls the covers up higher, wrapping himself. It's cold again, and the light fades as clouds glide overhead.


	4. Chapter 4

**A Four Letter Word**

Kevin stood there smiling, his arms folded. His little flat was cleaned, and through the haze of smoke coming from his cigerette, he could see Marissa, standing in his kitchen, cookbook propped up on some bottles, water boiling, and sharp knifes awkwardly slicing through vegetables.

She was cooking for him.

"Need some help?" he asked, supressing a laugh.  
"NO! Go away!" she yelled, smiling herself. she was adorable.  
"We could just get some take out." he teased her.  
"NO! I told you, I know I can cook, i just haven't learnt how to yet..."

'What brought this on?' Kevin thought to himself. yesterday she wouldn't return his calls and today he comes home to a clean place, and the girl was cooking him dinner. He puts down his cigarette and walks up behind her. pulling her hair back behind her shoulders, he kisses her neck. Marissa tries to push him away, but her hands are preoccupied, clumsily trying to cut a god damn carrot. He places his hands on her waist and twists her around, the carrot flies off the counter, the knife points at his neck. Kevin doesn't flinch. His eyes wander to the knife, and in it he can see the reflection of Marissa's eyes on him.

She kisses him passionately.  
"Not now, I have to finish this." Marissa says in between kisses.  
"Whatever." Kevin acts dismissive but inside he was glowing.

He didn't care how the meal turned out, she cared enough to cook, that's all that mattered.

Marissa places a plate of food in front of him. Her eyes are wide with anticipation, waiting for him to try it. He didn't know the name of the meal, nor what was in it, but he recognised some of the vegetables, he thinks. He smiles, and mumbles a 'thanks'. Kevin picks up a fork and picks at the food, he tries some. It was good, real good. He grabs Marissa and pulls her down so she's in his lap. She giggles. This was his girl, and nobody could make him think any different. Marissa picks up the fork and feeds him, she dabs at his lips with a napkin.

For Kevin, this was serious. This was a four letter word he was afraid of. A four letter word he has never ever said aloud to anyone except his mother. A four letter word he knew Marissa didn't want to hear. He keeps chewing, afraid of what he might say if he stopped.

They smile, Marissa looks at him chewing the food she just made. She knew it wasn't that good, she tried some herself, but the fact that he enjoyed it, or at least pretended to enjoyed it made her heart beat that little bit faster.

Kevin swallows, and then looks at her. Their eyes gazing at each other. His crystal eyes were saying more than he wanted them to. Marissa suddenly understood what was happening. They weren't just hanging out with each other anymore. This was a four letter word she never thought Kevin could make her feel. Marissa looks away, afraid that her eyes would give away the secret Kevin's eyes just did.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Chemicals Between Us**

"You smell like flowers." Marissa eyed Kevin. They were in bed, and Marissa was once again teasing him.  
"I don't smell like flowers. You do." Kevin groaned. He picked up his pillow and dropped it on her face. Marissa giggles. Kevin loved this about Marissa. she could be such a girly girl. She was adorable.  
"Why are you always sleeping? What do you do in your spare time that gets you so tired?" Marissa asks playfully.  
"Babe, the only thing I do in my spare time is you." he responds. Marissa sits there wrapped in the covers, watching him. She chews on her bottom lip. Kevin can tell she wants to talk.  
"Whats up?" he asks.  
"Oh, nothing." Marissa replies dismissively. 'Nothing my ass'he thought.  
"C'mon, out with it". Marissa stopped biting her lower lip and ran her fingers through her hair.  
"Are you sleeping with anyone else?" her tone serious, she was no longer fooling around. Kevin sighed. He wanted to say no, but he couldn't lie to her. Due to his silence, Marissa knew the answer.  
"You're an asshole, you know that?" she got up, taking the covers with her. He was completely naked. A smack of cool air hit him.  
"Marissa, you never said we were, you know, exclusive." Kevin said defensively.  
"I didn't think I had to. You know how many of your friends try and pick me up, I tell them to piss off everytime." Marissa was digging around trying to find her underwear, her clothes, anything.  
"Calm down babe, look, if you want me to justbe with you, I will, okay?" Kevin thought he was pretty slick in saying that. Problem solved he thought.  
"What makes you think I even want to be with you anymore? And where the hell are my clothes?" Marissa stared at him, her eyes were daggers. She was hurt. Hurt by HIM, she couldn't believe it, worse, she couldn't believe she cared enough about him to let herself get hurt. God dammit.

Kevin stood there, completely naked. She was staring at him, and her eyes, her eyes were welling with tears. He had hurt her. He never wanted to hurt her. What was going on? He took a few steps towards her. The tears in her eyes quiverring, almost at bursting point.

"Back off Kevin!" Marissa yelled. A tear rolled down her cheek.

Kevin took a few more steps towards her.

"I said back off!" she was crying. Like a little girl who grazed her knee, she was crying. Because of him.

Of all the emotions Kevin should have been feeling, he felt scared. He didn't want to lose her. He didn't even think twice about other girls. It was sex and that was all it was.

Marissa stood there, naked. She was trembling, she was crying, and she wanted to walk away, she wanted to get changed and leave, but she couldn't, because he was a part of her, and she loved him. Through breathless sobs, and falling tears, she could see him, slowly coming towards her. And his face, he was scared. Did she scare him? She buried her face deeper into her hands, crying harder.

He stared at her, and remembered every girl he ever saw cry. He stared at her, and saw the innocence that emanated from her. He stared at her and felt his heart breaking because he knew he had broken hers.

Kevin carefully placed his hand on her shoulder, fearing that she'd pull away or hit him.

Marissa felt his hand on her shoulder, it was warm, soft, comforting. she didn't know what to do. She just needed to cry.

Kevin cautiously gets closer to her. He puts another hand on her waist. He eases her into his chest, and she follows.

Marissa was wrapped in Kevin, her face against his chest, her arms tucked in at her breasts. His arms tightly wound around her. She felt so warm and so safe, she hated him, but she loved him. She still needed to cry.

Kevin felt her in his arms. A creature of beauty crying before him. He tightened his hold. She was trembling and so was he. Kevin felt an overwhelming sensation of sadness. He felt every breath she took, every tear she shed. He closed his eyes and felt a tear roll down hisown cheek.

Marissa wrapped her arms around Kevin, she felt him crying. She felt his chest contract with every sob. His hands were in her hair, cradleing her head, holding her close to him.

If nothing else told them they were in love, it was this, the duality of their broken hearts.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summer Daze**

Marissa gazed outside the window. In the day time everything looked different. Across from her sat Summer, they were having lunch at some fancy restaurant. Summer had gotten her hands on daddy's credit card.  
"So tell me Coop, whats going on? You've been a no show like almost everyday, and I'm getting worried." Summer was eating with her fingers. classy.  
"I've just been hanging around with Kevin a lot. I'm sorry, I know I should spend more time with you." Marissa heard herself say the words but her mind was elsewhere.  
"Volchok, gross. What do you guys do together? Mosh 24/7? He's such a loser." Summer continued shovelling food in her mouth.  
"He's not that bad, besides, that's what you said about Ryan when you found out he was from Chino." Marissa rolled her eyes.  
"What? You want me to get to know him? As if." Summer didn't care about Volchok, she just wanted Marissa back. As much as she loved Seth, she was getting bored hanging out with him all the time. She needed her girlfriend.

Marissa couldn't get him off her mind. Despite his shortcomings, Kevin could be a sweet guy, and she knew he cared for her.  
"Coop, hello? What are you stoned?" Summer distracted her from her thoughts.  
"What? No. I'm just thinking that's all"  
"About what?... You're not thinking abouthim are you?" Summer was annoyed. Here she was shouting her best friend an expensive meal, trying to spend time with her and all Marissa could do was think about that asshole Volchok.  
"There's more to him than you know. There's more to him than I even know. I just feel comfortable around him. He makes me feel safe. We know each other, and he makes me feel butterflies when I'm with him."  
"Oh my god, ew. Butterflies and Volchok? You can't convince me to like him you know. I have my ground and I'm standing on it." Summer said defiantly.

Marissa sat there and watched as Summer gave her look after look of disappointment, shovelling food down her mouth. Marissa was put off. She loved Summer, but right now, Summer wasn't making her feel anything but annoyed.  
"Marissa, theres something seriously wrong with you if you have feelings for a guy like Volchok." Summer blurted out like fact. Marissa had enough.

How dare she sit there, shovelling food down her mouth like a pig, with her perfect boyfriend, and perfect father, with her perfect life and judge her. Marissa felt angry, betrayed by Summer of all people.  
"Sum, this is why I don't hang out with you so much anymore. You make me feel bad for everything I do. Kevin doesn't care, he loves me for who I am, he doesn't judge, ever. Why do you have to keep putting me down? I'm sorry I'm not the perfect princess for you to play with anymore."  
Marissa was standing there, over the table, her lips parted, her eyebrows furrowed. The look on Summers face turned from shocked to sympathetic.  
"He loves you? Has he said this?" Summer was stunned. She had no idea how deep this thing between Marissa and Kevin ran.  
"No, he hasn't said it, but he doesn't need to Sum, I know he does, and I think I love him too." Marissa couldn't even believe she was saying this out loud. She had barely admitted these feelings to herself.  
"Marissa, woah, this is big." Summer had stopped eating. Her wide eyes focusing on Marissa.

"I know..." Marissa's voice wavered. An overwhelming rush of emotion flooded her. She wanted to cry so badly right now. Her heart just ached when she wasn't around Kevin. It was undeniable, the lust, the love, it was all there. It was different to the other love she had gone through in the past. With Luke, she loved him but she was never in love with him. He had always been there. He was a friend. With Ryan, it was a deep understanding, a comforting kind of love. He was there when she needed him most. But she never lusted for him the way she did Kevin. Kevin Volchok was special, he was her little boy, her friend, her lover, her man. The way he smelt, the way he slept on his stomach. The way he cradled her head with both hands when they kissed, his fingers through her hair. The way their bodies moved together when they had sex. It felt so right, why couldn't Summer understand that?  
"Marissa, have you told Kevin you love him?" Summer asked.  
"No, I can't. I think he wants to tell me though. Every now and then, he looks at me, and he goes quiet and his eyes, oh my god his eyes summer, they're like crystal clear, and I know he wants to say it, and I really want him to say it..."  
"But you guys don't say it, you don't tell each other you love one another. Doesn't that tell you something? That it's not meant to be perhaps?" Summer didn't mean to offend Marissa, but she did. Marissa glared at her through teary eyes.  
"Obviously you don't understand, you're all safe with your emo boyfriend right?"  
"Hey, don't you bring Seth into this. I have problems just like anyone else, but you look for trouble Marissa, you…" Summer didn't have time to finish.  
"Thanks for lunch Sum." Marissa grabbed her handbag and walked out. She wanted to see Kevin.  
Summer sat there staring at the food, she couldn't believe what Marissa had just told her. She picked up her mobile and dialled.  
"...Seth, you hungry?"


	7. Chapter 7

**A Bloody Good Evening**

With a gun in your mouth, you only speak in vowels.

"Mmhhms ahhm ghconk ohwyah". Kevin said.  
"What? What did you say?" Big Lou asked. Lou decides to take out the gun. Kevin's jaw is sore. That was a big fucking gun, and he had to strain to keep his mouth open. He was coughing blood. He was tired, groggy, inches away from death.

"I said, I don't know, where it is." Kevin was breathing heavily. He just took the beating of his life, and his face was pretty messed up. He was sure his nose was broken. He could feel the blood running down his sinuses, he could probably choke himself with his blood, if he was so inclined.

"I don't know, man, you guys got it wrong." Kevin eyed his apartment. Big Lou and his right hand man, some guy called Lucy, had barged into his home and beat the crap out of him, and he knew why. He kept money from them, money he wasn't going to give up easily. Of course, 'easily' had disappeared about5 minutesago just before Lou pulled out his gun andclocked him across the face with it.

"Kid, we gave you 2 bricks to sell, they were worth 8 grand in total. Lucy tells me you gave him 6. Now you're 2 weeks overdue. So either you still got some coke to sell or you're holding out on me." Big Lou stared at him, gun pointed at his temple. Kevin thought about what he was going to say to that.  
"I think, Lucy, can't count" well that was a mistake. Big Lou pulled back his arm and swung it at him, the butt of the gun clipped his chin. 8 more stiches he thought to himself. Big Lou let go of his collar and Kevin slumped to the ground, a pool of his own blood greeted him. He tried moving his left leg but it didn't budge. 'Shit' he thought to himself, running was definitely out of the question now. Kevin rolled over so he was on his back, the ceilings lights blinding him. He reached out his arms, trying to find something, anything to grab onto. His hands grasped a chair leg, and he dragged it towards himself.

"Lucy, help him up." Big Lou was looking at some photos lying around. Photos of Marissa and Kevin, photos of them doing things that would make most girls blush.

Lucy helped him up onto the chair. He slumped there, a bloody pulp.  
"Thanks Luce, you're a real champ. You know, you got a pretty name." Kevin grinned, a mouthful of bloody teeth. Lucy stared at him, emotionless.  
"Smoke?" Kevin asked, his voice was rough, husky. Lucy looked at Big Lou. Lou nodded. Lucy put the cigarette in Kevin's mouth with his chubby fingers, pulled out a zippo and lit it. Kevin took long drags. 'shit that's good' he thought to himself.

"So what's it gonna be kid?" Big Lou walked up to him, brass knuckles ready to go again. "I don't think your body could take another beating, you gonna talk?" Big Lou had his meaty fists around Kevin's neck again. there was no point in fighting anymore. Kevin had had enough.

"Under sink, in the pot." he whispered. Lucy took 5 steps to get there. He reached down and pulled out 2 large wads of cash.  
"There you go, why didn't you just tell us where it was when we asked before?" Big Lou was smiling. Lucy was still stoned face.  
"What's a kid like you want with 2 grand anyway?" Lou asked.  
Kevin couldn't help it now, he was acheing so much, it hurt to breathe but he had to laugh. It came out as small gasps at first but it quickly turned into howling laughter. It was infectious, Big Lou started to laugh, even Lucy managed a smile.  
"I wanted, to get, my girlfriend, a gift!" Kevin howled. Big Lou laughed harder, Lucy gave him a sympathetic frown.  
"Why didn't you say so kid! hahaha, hey Luce, the kids a romantic, how bout that? Here get her something nice." Big Lou threw down 1000 dollars. Kevin stared at the wad of cash at his feet, blood pooling around it. He looked at Big Lou, he didn't believe it.

"You kidding me..?." Kevin managed to say. His eyesslowly sailedback and forth between the money and Big Lou.  
"What? Nah, you got yourself aprettygirl, you wanna get her something? You get it. I know my missus gets cranky when I don't bring her home something nice. hahaha, you're a good kid." Big Lou laughed all the way to the door. Kevin couldn't believe it. All that and the guy didn't even care about the money? All that and the guy just gives him a thousand bucks? He just took the beating of his life. God knows how many bones could be broken.  
"Hey, take me to a hospital." Kevin blurted out, blood sprayed from his mouth.  
"Nah, sorry kid, I gotta work. I got a family to feed. Stay out of trouble." Big Lou gave him a wave and disappeared. Lucy slid the door shut.

Kevin slumped there, money at his feet, blood pouring out of his face. Cuts across his arms and chest. He passed out. He didn't know for how long but when he woke up, he wasn't alone.

"Oh my god! Kevin! Kevin! What happened? What happened? Kevin,say something!" Marissa was in hysterics. She couldn't believe what she saw. She thought he was dead. All she could see was her Kevin under a lot of blood. His Right eye was swollen shut.

Kevin came to and heard her voice. She was so scared. He wanted to laugh, it was nothing. He wasn't going to die or anything.

"Marissa..." he managed to say finally.  
"Oh my god, Kevin who did this? Are you okay? Are you okay?" Marissa was so scared for him, she was so worried, she held his head up, her hands were covered in his blood, but she didn't care. Someone hurt her baby. She clutched his limp body to her breast.  
"Just take me to the hospital, I think I broke my nose." eyes closed, Kevin managed a weak smile.


	8. Chapter 8

Kevin swilled the ice in his glass. No more bourbon left. It was an incredibly hot evening. Kevin wore a loose fitting singlet, pair of jeans and some flip-flops.  
"Hey." he called to the bartender. She turns around. Kevin points at his empty glass and she nods. The pain was almost gone. It'd been a couple of weeks since he left the hospital. He was healing pretty quickly, although his nose remainedlightly bandaged and the cut on his chin was still slightly swollen. His right eye still had a hint of blue.

The bait shop was dead quiet that evening. No more than 6 or 7 people. Either standing at the bar, having a drink or hanging in the back lounges. Good thing it wasn't crowded, the heat would be unbearable. Kevin preferred sitting at the bar. Made for quick drinks and better small talk, although the only other person at the bar was a gorgeous blonde, cute nose, all the right trimmings. She was a rocker, she had attitude, he liked attitude. He couldn't be bothered starting up the conversation though. Not in the state he was in. His face all messed up and what not. Kevin didn't need to talk to get the girl's attention. She was already checking him out, and he knew what her body language was saying, she wanted to chat.

Alex sat at the bar, Corona in one hand cigarette in the other. The place looked different since she was last there. It had been awhile. Some guy with his face smashed in sat a few feet down from her. She was getting real curious as to what had happened to him. His face was kinda messed up, but his eyes were crystal clear.

"You know, I used to manage this place." Alex said casually. She waited for him to reply.  
"Yeah? Get fired?" Kevin responded with a slightly painful smirk.  
"Nah, I had stuff to deal with, I left this joint." Alex sat there watching him. She hoped he wasn't going to give her one-word answers the whole night?  
"Yeah, did you deal with it?" Kevin asked curiously.  
"Well I guess so, that's why I'm back in Newport." she smiled. "I'm Alex by the way." she extended her arm, her hand waited for his.  
"Kevin." He reached out and gave it a firm shake.  
"What happened to your face Kevin?" Alex asked trying to sound playful and un-intrusive. She ran the icy cool bottle across her cheek and onto her neck.  
"I got beat by my supplier." Kevin grinned. He took a gulp of the bourbon. "You wanna 'nother drink Alex?" he pulled out his wallet.  
"Sure. Ella could I grab another Corona and a bourbon ice." Alex winked at Kevin. He couldn't help but laugh a little. 'Smart ass' he thought.


	9. Chapter 9

'He's gorgeous' Alex thought to herself. He was a bit black and blue, but he was gorgeous. That smile. Those eyes. But Alex knew something wasn't right. Here she was, fully aware that she was quite alright to look at, and this guy was barely flirting. It was like he was holding back. She had an idea of why.  
"You've got a girlfriend don't you?" Alex looked at him, focused, she wanted to see if he lied or not.  
"I'm sort of seeing someone. We don't go by that girlfriend, boyfriend title. It sounds too official." Kevin was being honest.  
"So is it serious?" Alex wanted to know, because if he was available, she was going to take him home tonight.  
"Well she hasn't called for bout a week... she wasn, too happy about where my bidness affairs were taking me." Kevin slurred. He finished his drink.

Marissa was angry at him. How could he be so stupid, keeping money from his suppliers, dealers or whatever they're called. He didn't even tell her why he tried to steal the money. And to make it up to her, he bought her a necklace.  
She had a million necklaces, she didn't need another, she just needed him. But after leaving the hospital that night, she had to take some time off from Kevin. It was becoming too real. Her reaction was too real, the fear of losing him was too real. She needed to calm herself, and rethink her priorities. She couldn't escape the heat. She sat in her room, in darkness, taking mouthfuls from her flask. She missed him so much.

Alex grabbed his arm, he was tipsy and she felt she had shouted him enough drinks.  
"You alright to walk Kev?" she asked while laughing. His lips were pouting, his eyebrows furrowed, he smiled.  
"Where's the loo?" Kevin asked grinning.  
"It's through there, to your left." Alex let go of his arm, Kevin stumbles. 'He's soo cute' Alex thought to herself. "Why don't I walk you there Kev?" She slings his arm over her shoulder and wraps her arms around his waist guiding him.  
"Dun call me Kev, call me Volchok." Kevin stammered.  
"What's a Volchok?" Alex asks confused.  
"Dun worry." Kevin stumbles into the bathroom. He walks to the urinal and relieves himself. Alex waits patiently. Kevin splashes his face with water. He felt a tiny bit more sober now.

The door burst open and comically, Kevin strides out. Alex suppressed a laugh.  
"How are you getting home?" she asks.  
"I got my bike here." Kevin replied.  
"Oh, is that your motorbike out there? It's nice."  
"I know." Kevin was proud of his bike.  
"But I'm not letting you ride it home. You're no where near straight enough to ride." her eyes are fixed on his. Kevin leans forward and cups Alex's face in his hand.  
"Babe, I could ride you right now if you want me to." he kisses her.  
He tasted like cigarettes and cheap alcohol, but to her, this drunken kiss was what she had been waiting for.  
"Easy tiger", she pulled away slowly, Alex paused looking at him, letting the kiss sink in. "Let's get you home first. I'm driving." Alex dangled her keys in front of him.


	10. Chapter 10

They pulled up to Kevins place. Alex sat in the driver's seat of her jeep. She turned of the ignition and the sound system died. Silence.  
"Nice place." Alex says. She waits for an invite.  
"Yeah, it's okay." Kevin sparked up a cigarette, handed it to Alex and sparked another for himself.  
"Thanks, you gonna be alright?" she asks. She waits for an invite.  
"You wanna come in and take care of me?" Kevin smiles at her.  
"Thought you'd never ask Kev." she grabbed her handbag and stuffed her keys into it.  
"It's Volchok." he said  
"Yeah, whatever the hell that is." she replied, with a smile, still puzzled as to what this 'Volchok' thing was.

Kevin slid the door open, he'd forgot to lock it, 'idiot' he thought to himself. He switched on the lights.  
"Make yourself at home." Alex plopped onto the sofa. She eyed his apartment. It was nice. Nothing fancy but it had character.

"You wanna hit?" Kevin asks before pulling out a small baggie of coke.  
"Not tonight babe, but if you roll me a joint I'll smoke with you." Kevin obliged. He pulled out the weed, papers, tobacco and rolled.

"You got a tv?" alex asks.  
"Yeah, its over there, we'll have to sit on the bed to watch though." Kevin said pointedly.  
"Yeah sure." Alex grabbed the ashtray and joint and took it over to his bed. Kevin slumped into bed and turned on the tv.  
"Oooh, Horror movie." Alex was easily amused. Kevin felt his mouth dry out a bit and his body relax. He was thirsty.  
"I'm getting a drink, you want something?" Kevin asks while getting back up.  
"You got any beer?" Alex asks. Kevin laughs.  
"Yeah we got beer." Kevin walks to the fridge and grabs a few cans of drinks. As he's walking back to his bed, he notices Alex taking of her top, who wouldn't notice.  
"It's hot in here." Alex says as a matter of fact.  
"Hey, I don't need excuses, If you wanna take of your clothes, by all means, go ahead" Kevin grinned. He slipped off his jeans. Slumped into bed and cracked a can open.

Marissa lay in bed, it was late, and she was tired, drunk and by herself. Summer was at Seth's, and Ryan, well god knows where Ryan was. She wished she were at Kevin's, just lying next to him. Watching him sleep. She took another mouthful from her flask. Time for a refill she thought.

They lay there in buzzing relaxation, their minds melted beyond recognition. They giggled like school kids. Kevin and Alex had watched a few Dvd's none of which they could remember, but it was fun anyway. Alex was enjoying herself. It had been awhile since she just chilled out with someone. Kevin was having a blast as per usual. He was always willing to make whatever situation he was in, fun. The weed dulled the throbbing and aches he had throughout his body.

Alex rolled over to face him, her arms across his chest. He flinched.  
"Am I hurting you babe?" Alex asked. She kissed his shoulder.  
"Not really, just a bit tender" Kevin tried to focus his eyes on Alex, but he was getting drowsy. She had slipped of her skirt and her panties. He tried to focus but a surge of drowsiness hit him. Inside him, he knew he had to perform. He couldn't let this babe get away telling her friends he was no fun. Too many drugs? Not enough? Whatever the reason, he slipped into a deep dreamless sleep.

Alex saw his eyes droop and his body relaxing. Poor boy she thought. Probably his meds acting up with all the alcohol & drugs. He was so adorable. She let him sleep. She pulled up the covers and watched TV for a bit more until she too, passed out from tiredness. It had been a good evening. She had a man sleeping with her. No sex, but fun anyway.


	11. Chapter 11

The warmth of the afternoon sun gently eased Alex into consciousness. She opened her eyes and saw Kevin lying there, a little bit of drool on the side of his mouth. She smiled. She took her thumb and wiped it away. Kevin mumbled something in his sleep. 'So cute' she thought.  
"I'm going to take a shower babe". She whispered to Kevin, she kissed his cheek. Alex got up and found herself a clean towel and slipped into the shower.

Marissa was gunning it down the road. She couldn't take it anymore, she had to see Kevin, she missed him and it was a mistake to cool it off. She loved him and regardless of wether he was comfortable in saying it to her or not, she was going to tell him. She needed to. It was eating away at her.

Alex stepped out of the shower. She dried her hair as much as she could. She tip toed to Kevin's bed and sat down. Alex ran her fingers along his back, he twitched. She kissed his neck, and he murmured.  
"Good afternoon Kevin" she whispered. She nibbled his ear. He woke. Kevin looked at Alex up and down. She was wearing nothing but a towel. Her hair was damp, her skin was fresh. 'Not a bad sight to wake up to' He thought to himself.

"How'd you sleep?" Kevin asked while sparking a cigarette.  
"Like a baby." Alex replied. Kevin smirked. He needed some water. He went to the fridge.

Marissa pulled up to Kevin's place. His bike wasn't there. She sighed. 'He better be in there' she thought. She walked up to the large sliding door and tapped lightly.

Kevin heard the knocking. He was preoccupied though, trying to make himself something to eat.  
"Hey, answer the door". He blurted out while trying to find ingredients for an omelette. Alex, still loosely wrapped in her towel walked to the door.

Marissa waited, she was getting impatient. She just wanted to see Kevin. She just wanted to say she was in love with him. She knocked again.

Alex grabbed the handle and slid it open. She couldn't believe who she saw standing there.

Marissa stared at the blonde that stood in front of her, naked. Her heart stopped, and her stomach did a somersault.

"Marissa!" Alex was ecstatic She jumped at Marissa giving her a full on bear hug. "How did you know I was here? Oh my god I missed you so much!" Alex stood there waiting for Marissa to reply.

Kevin froze. 'Shit! shit! shit!' he thought to himself. 'What the fuck? They're friends?' He couldn't think of a way out of this one. He didn't even remember what happened last night.

"Marissa! Babe, how'd you know I was here!" Alex couldn't stop smiling she was so happy to see Marissa. Marissa just stared at her.

"Hi Alex, I didn't know you were in town. My boyfriend lives here." Marissa said coldly. "Is Kevin in? I'd like to say a few words to him."

Kevin stood completely still, arms folded. Defiantly he looked Marissa straight in the eyes. he couldn't remember if he slept with Alex or not but regardless of what happened, he didn't do anything wrong. He had to stand his ground on this one. He knew he would cop the blame for this situation even if Marissa had said they were on a break.

It was early in the afternoon and Marissa had just walked in on her ex, Alex, and the man she loved, Kevin. She wasn't pleased. She was hurt. She came to admit her true feelings for him and here she was greeted by the 2 of them looking fairly smug. She glared at Kevin, he just stood there, defiantly. It confused her. Was he twisting the knife in her back?


	12. Chapter 12

"I didn't know you were friends." Kevin blurted out. Like a reindeer caught in the headlights. He looked at Marissa, then looked at Alex. Alex didn't seemed to be phased one bit.  
"We didn't sleep together Marissa." Alex said with a slightly regretful smile. Marissa turned and looked at her, unsure of wether Alex was lying or not.  
"We didn't?" Kevin asked, confused.  
"No, you passed out while we were watching dvd's. You might've had too much to drink and then you smoked a couple of joints." Alex faced Marissa. "Babe, nothing happened. We were just chillin." Alex said honestly. She didn't want to hurt Marissa, but she was amazed at how Marissa snagged such an awesome guy, and why she herself didn't find him first.

Marissa stared at Alex, she could tell Alex wasn't lying. She knew her pretty well she thought. She looked at Kevin, he seemed to be relieved to find out they didn't sleep together. It made her feel a bit better. Well she was in a very interesting situation, 'might as well milk it for what it's worth' Marissa thought to herself. She put down her handbag.

"We weren't friends." Marissa said, her head nodded in Alex's direction. Kevin cringed his eyebrows, not sure what to make of Marissas comment.  
"What, so your enemies or something?" Kevin asked cautiously, not sure what kind of ground he was treading on. He was already on thin ice. He looked at Alex, Her head was down but she was clearly smiling. Kevin racked his brain. 'What the hell was going on? If they weren't friends and they weren't enemies, then what were...' it dawned on him.  
"No..." Kevin said incredulously. His arms fell to his sides, they gripped the counter behind him. Marissa gave a nod, her lips pursed. Alex raised her eyebrows and nodded as well.  
"You two?" he asked still shocked. They both nodded.  
"Woah, wait a sec, you guys? were..." he eyed them questionably. They both nodded.  
"You were lovers! Holy mother of god." was all he could say. It started to sink in. Images flashed in his mind, he'd seen them both naked before. He pictured them doing things together. 'Wow' he thought to himself. He laughed. It was amazing, he'd hit the jack pot. He had to get his cool back. Kevin took a deep breath, exhaled.

Marissa felt a bit more calm now. She was still jealous that Alex had spent the night at Kevin's place, but she felt a whole lot better knowing that they didn't have sex. It was an amazing coincidence that the 3 of them were in this situation. fate perhaps?

"You okay Marissa?" Alex asked with a soft smile. Marissa looked at her, the anger dissipated. She smiled.  
"Yeah I'm fine, but I think Volchoks having a fit." Marissa replied. They both stood there next to each other, looking at Kevin. His mouth was hanging open just a tiny bit, and his eyes kept darting between the both of them. He had a bead of sweat forming on his forehead.  
"Is Volchok his name?" Alex asked curiously.  
"Yeah, what did you think it was?" Marissa smiled.  
"No idea, didn't think it was his name though." Alex replied.


	13. Chapter 13

**This Modern Love**

Marissa and Kevin lay in bed. Kevin took a cigarette out from his deck, put it in his mouth and sparked it up. He inhaled the smooth, dry smoke. His lips slightly parted, thin wisps of smoke curled into the air.

"Why do you smoke so much?" Marissa asked. She sat there, her eyes looking at his lips and then to the cigarette that was lightly held between his fingers.

"Why do you care?". Kevin replied. the same answer he always gave to anyone who asked. Marissa reached over and snatched his deck, took one out and sparked it up. She gave him a quick grin. Teasing him.

"I don't want you to smoke so much". he said, slightly blushing, as he knew he was a hypocrite for doing so.

"Why do you care?" Marissa asked dismissively.

He didn't know what to say. Awkward silence in the late afternoon, watching a crappy tv show. He put out his cigarette and turned to Marissa. Kevin started to speak...but then stopped. Marissa, caught him in the act.

"What? Did you want to say something?" she paused, looking at him deep into his eyes. Kevin froze. There was just so much he felt like telling her, about how he felt.

Actions speak louder than words he always believed. If Marissa didn't notice or knew how he felt than obviously he wasn't properly showing her how he felt. Did he really need to voice it? Did he really need to say the words out loud?

Marissa, was caught off surprise. Again, another afternoon with Kevin had taken a turn to much more serious matters. He was about to say it. She could feel it. He was going to tell her how he felt. She was afraid to push him. She didn't want to drive him away. So she sat there, watching him, waiting, hoping for him to speak. 'Please Kevin, just tell me, just say the words' Marissa thought to herself.

Marissa waited, not taking her eyes of him. She knew how he felt, and she sure as hell knew that Kevin was aware of how she felt. She still wanted him to tell her though. She needed for him to say it... but he didn't.

Kevin leaned in and kissed her. Marissa let him, then she pulled away.

"What's wrong?" he asked. A guilty look on his face. Marissa took a deep breath.

"You know." she sighed. Kevin couldn't look at her then. He couldn't look her in the eyes. He felt guilt. He came so close to telling her.

Marissa got up. She put out her cigarette and went to grab her purse.

"Wait, Marissa, wait." Kevin didn't want her to leave. She turned around. Kevin took a deep breath.

"You know how I feel, don't you?" he asked. Marissa, expressionless.

"Yeah, thought so. But Marissa, isn't that enough? Do I really need to voice everything? It still wouldn't change anything." He waited for her to respond. Marissa put down her purse. She looked frustrated now.

"Kevin, we've been dancing around this thing for a while now. There is something between us that needs to be talked about. It's driving me insane. I can't just keep it all inside." She looked at Kevin. Her sad eyes said it all. Kevin knew she was right though.

"Kevin, it hurts me that you can't tell me you love me..."

Kevin felt his stomach flip. There it was, the elephant in the room had been revealed. Love. Kevin had to take a few deep breaths before speaking. He felt nervous.

"Babe, Marissa, you know I... You know I love you..." Kevin felt lightheaded. He sat down. That was a first, that damn L word.

Marissa sat down next to him. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close. She knew it was hard for him to admit it out loud. He so rarely spoke about anything he felt. Kevin was still stunned about saying it.

"I didn't want to make a big deal of it..." Kevin murmured.

"Yeah, and look how well that went..." Marissa added.

She was right, again. He had avoided saying it. Shying away from occasions that he felt the urge come on. He held his tongue so many times, and now, like a weight lifted off his shoulder, he had said it... and it felt good.

"Wait a minute. How come you never say it?" Kevin asked. The tables suddenly turning. Marissa opened her eyes, and felt herself blushing.

"I, well... I dunno... " Marissa was put on the spot. She didn't see this coming.

"If it was driving you insane, you could of just told me."

"Yeah well, I didn't want to scare you away..." she said sheepishly. Kevin laughed.

"You see how ridiculous this is? A four letter word that could make or break a relationship." Kevin was amused.

"Yeah well, it's out in the open now isn't it." Marissa said.

Marissa got up close to Kevin. He could feel her breath on his neck. It tingled. He tried to play it cool, his face neutral. Then she kissed him softly. her lips pressing gently against his neck.

"I love you Kevin." Marissa whispered. His heart melted. Kevin kissed her lips softly at first, Marissa's tongue eased between his lips. They kissed passionately.

"I'm so in love with you Marissa." Kevin whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

**Kicking The Heart Out**

"Kevin I can't tonight!" Marissa was annoyed. How many times did she have to say no? But Kevin refused to listen.

"What are you doing that's so important? You don't even have to drive anywhere. I'll come get you. I'll be there soon." Kevin, wasn't going to let her get away tonight. He wanted to get down and dirty with his girl.

"Kevin, I won't be here, I'm sorry okay? I'll see you tomorrow baby, I promise."

"No. wait 5 minutes, I'll be there soon." Kevin realised Marissa had already hung up. He got on his bike, and roared off down the street.

Marissa, groaned frustratedly. She dialled a number on her phone.

"Hey Ryan, It's Marissa, I'll see you soon okay? Don't be late." Marissa placed her phone in her purse and grabbed her jacket. She said goodbye to her mum and walked to her car. Marissa thought about what she was doing for a moment. She got into her a car and took off down the street.

Ryan waited patiently at a cafe near the pier. It was 7pm and people were out and about on this warm friday evening. He sat outside, his long black coffee in front of him. Marissa would be here soon...

Volchok, got off his motorcycle. His boots grinding the cigarette butt underneath them. Phone to his ear, he waited impatiently, but Marissa didn't answer. He looked up at the Robert's home. Marissa still didn't answer. He walked up the steps to the front door. Took a deep breath and rung the doorbell. Julie Cooper Nichol Cooper whatever answered. She stood there and smiled, although her cold eyes just stared at him.

"Good evening Kevin. Marissa's not here. Have a good night." Julie was blunt. She turned on her heels and started to close the door. Kevin stuck his foot inside, jamming it. Kevin kept an elbow to the doorframe and leaned in closer.

"Where is she?" He asked with one of his charming smiles.

"I don't know, why don't you ask Ryan?" Julie replied. Her smirk was menacing. Kevin sighed. He tried again.

"Where is Marissa?" He stood completely still, his crystal eyes staring into Julie's. He wasn't leaving until he got an answer, Julie could tell. There was more to this boy than meets the eye.

"Try the pier Kevin. Goodbye." Kevin moved his foot, and turned around. The door slammed. He got on his bike, stepped into gear, roared off down the street.

Marissa saw Ryan sitting there, completely still, deep in thought as he usually was. He was almost oblivious to the world. She came up from behind and tapped him on the shoulder. Ryan smiled, got up and kissed her cheek. They hugged.

"How you doin?" Ryan asked, taking a sip from his cold coffee.

"Oh you know, same old. How long were you waiting?" Marissa asked, noticing the lack of steam from his half empty coffee.

"Not long 10 minutes or so. I'm sorry for the short notice, but i really wanted to see you tonight." Ryan looked at Marissa. Marissa nodded.

Volchok pulled his bike up near the pier. He grabbed his keys and walked towards the strip of restaurants and cafes. From a distance he saw Marissa tap Ryan on the shoulder. From a distance, he saw Ryan kiss her and they hugged. From a distance, Kevin sparked up a cigarette and leaned against the railing in jealousy...

Kevin took a final drag of the cigarette and dropped it, grabbed his deck and pulled out another, sparked it up and continued smoking. Anyone observing him would think that he looked calm, but beneath the surface, he was almost at boiling point. He watched as they laughed and joked, when Marissa playfully hit Ryan's arm. Is this what Love was? Watching your girl hang out with an ex, watching her flirt with him?

Marissa laughed, it had been awhile since she last saw Ryan and for the first time in a long time, it felt good to talk to him as a friend and not have any past emotions and old feelings interfere. He was a great guy but she was glad it was all over. If only it was like this while they were together. Ryan was playful, joking constantly, almost like alot of Seth had rubbed off on him. The problem with Ryan was that everytime they met up or hung out, he would assume that she wanted to get back into a relationship with him. Which couldn't be any further from the truth. Marissa loved Ryan, but she wasn't in love with him. He was just too draining.

"So how's Sadie?" Marissa asked, taking a sip of her skinny decaf latte.

"She's good I guess... how's things with Volchok?" Ryan asked, he was curious as to wether Volchok was looking after Marissa.

"Actually we're great," Marissa smiled, "Not too many people know this but we're in love." she said a matter of factly. Ryan slowly swallowed his coffee.

"Really? So soon?" Ryan was cold. Suddenly he wasn't so bright anymore. Marissa realized that she may have just hurt him. This was the last thing she wanted. She thought Ryan had moved on.

"Yeah, I guess things progressed faster than we thought. But it's true, I really do love him Ryan." Marissa, went quiet after saying this.

"Well that's great. I'm happy for you." Ryan lied. He was hurt. How could she fall in love with an asshole like Volchok? Ryan asked himself. Was this his fault? How come she got over him so quickly? Ryan had a bunch of questions running through his mind.

"How about Sadie? Do you love her, Ryan?" Marissa wanted to change the focus of the conversation to Ryan. Ryan shook his head.

Although Ryan had a great time with Sadie, he still had feelings for Marissa. But he could tell Marissa no longer felt attracted to him. He was in the friend zone now. Ryan Couldn't deny that he was slightly jealous of what Volchok had.

Kevin stood there, watching carefully. He could see the way Ryan was looking at his girl. They weren't laughing anymore which could only mean one thing. The conversation had turned serious. Marissa reached out and put her hand on Ryans, she looked around at the pier and then faced Ryan again. Ryan leaned in.They were talking in whispers. No more he thought. Cigarette hanging from his lips, Volchok, started striding towards the cafe.

Marissa had her hand on Ryans. Ryan felt her soft warm skin, it gave him tingles. She spoke softly.

"Look Ryan I'm sorry about Kevin, but he's special. You and I tried but we didn't work. You deserve better Ryan, and you got better. Sadie is such a great person."

Marissa's words stung Ryan. He really cared for Sadie, but everytime Marissa said Volchoks name it just got him closer and closer to boiling point. Their faces were inches apart, but Ryan couldn't look Marissa in the eye. Suddenly a hand wrapped around his neck. Startled, Ryan instinctively tried to pull away. Marissa gasped.

Volchok had one hand wrapped around Ryans neck, his huge palm squeezing. Ryan was squirming. He tried to pull away but Kevin was above him standing. He had the higher ground. Ryan could barely move, he was sitting down. His legs caught under the table.

"KEVIN! What are you doing?!" Marissa cried. 'Was he insane!?' She thought to herself. She reached out and grabbed his arms. Volchok, waved them away. He grabbed Ryan's shirt with both hands and pulled him up out of the chair. It was now a struggle. Both of Volchoks arms were preoccupied holding Ryan up. Ryan got his footing back and with his free arms took a swing at Volchok, He caught him right in the mouth. Volchoks head jerked backwards. Ryan wrapped his hand around Volchoks arms trying to pull them off him, but Volchok had an iron grip. Ryan looked at Volchok, his eyes were burning. Volchok glared at Ryan, blood dripping from his mouth. Volchoks head snapped forward, His forehead clocking Ryan right in the face, blood spurted from Ryans nose. Ryan, stunned, let go of Volchoks arms and stepped backwards awkwardly. He was dazed. He fell back into his chair. Marissa had her hands at her mouth, supressing her sobbing. She looked at Ryan and then looked at Kevin.

Customers at nearby tables all stared in shock undecided, wether to call the police or to jump in and stop the fight. No one moved.

Kevin turned to face Marissa, the anger gone, his eyes now full of sadness.

"Is this why you couldn't be with me tonight? Because of him?" it was hard to speak with a mouth full of blood, his jaw felt like it was broken. Marissa stood there, her eyes wide with stunned amazement. She shook her head.

"Kevin, no, no. We were just meeting up for coffee." her voice was soft. She was too stunned to get angry right now. A waitress quietly slipped in between Ryan and Kevin, she knelt down and carefully wiped the blood from Ryans face. She gave him a small bag of ice. Ryan leaned his head back. The waitress handed one to Kevin, giving him a dirty look while at it. Kevin placed the bag on his lips.

"Baby, are you okay?" Marissa asked concerned. Kevin and Ryan both nodded. Volchok kicked Ryans foot. "She meant me asshole." Kevin looked at Marissa. Her eyes never left him.

Marissa took the icepack off Kevins mouth and took a look at the damage. she winced slightly as she saw the cut on his bottom lip. Looked like he bit into his tongue as well. Kevin, despite the subsiding mayhem around him, manage a weak smile.

"You've had worse baby." Marissa said. Kevin put the icepack back on his mouth. Marissa turned to Ryan.

"Ryan are you okay? I'm so sorry about this." Marissa pleadingly looked at him. Ryan glared at her and then at Kevin.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Ryan stood up, and thanked the waitress.

"We should go Kevin. Ryan I'll talk to you later okay? I'm sorry." Marissa grabbed Kevin's arm and pulled him away.

In Marissa's car, Kevin sat silently. He was embarrassed. How did he get so out of control. Although at the time it seemed like the right thing to do, deck Ryan. He now regretted it.

Marissa bit her lower lip, not knowing what to say. She started up her car and started driving.

"Marissa, I'm sorry." Kevin said.

"Don't talk Kevin, just, shut up." They drove in silence to Kevins place.

Marissa slid open the door, and turned on the light. Kevin sheepishly followed and dropped on the sofa. Marissa sat down next to him.

"Let me see." Marissa got closer to Kevin. He removed the pack from his mouth and Marissa took another inspection. Not as bad as she first thought. The blood made it look worse. She grabbed his bottom lip with her thumb and forefinger and squeezed. Kevin howled in pain. Marissa watched him squirm, he was swearing, alot. Marissa got up and went to the bathroom, there she took out some antiseptic and a damp cloth. She sat back down next to Kevin. He looked so cute with his eyes all watery, a confused look on his face.

"Why'd you do that!?" Kevin winced.

"Because you deserved it" Marissa stated bluntly, "You have to trust me you know." Marissa said, dabbing away at the cut.

"I know." Kevin managed to say.

"You're a real asshole you know that?" Marissa stated bluntly. He watched as she carefully cleaned his wound.

"Yeah, too bad you love me." Kevin replied. Marissa smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

**Nothing Lasts Forever**

Kevin woke up, silently, his eyes opened and he just gazed into darkness. His eyes begin to adjust and his head quickly cleared, the nightmare he was having faded as soon as he was just about to remember it all. He could smell gasoline faintly. Marissa was lying next to him, breathing softly. She looked beautiful. He always wanted to tell her that. That she looked beautiful when she slept. So at peace. But he knew it would come off as corny and cliched and Kevin didn't like to do corny or cliched.

Carefully, Kevin peeled off the sheets and got up. He checked the time, it was about 2am. Had he only really been sleeping for 3 hours? The time spans have been shrinking as the nights went on. He leaned down and gave Marissa a soft kiss on her exposed cheek.

"It's a bit late to be kissing my ass don't you think?" Marissa lay there still. Kevin froze.

"Babe, I thought you were asleep..." Kevin remained still.

"Are you going somewhere?" Marissa asked.

"Just to the bathroom. Go back to sleep babe." Kevin rubbed her back reassuringly and got up.

The bathroom light hung low from the ceiling, the top of his head always just missing it by a few inches. The brightness stunned him momentarily as his eyes further adjusted to the light. Kevin relieved himself and turned to the sink. Head down, he washed his hands. He looked up, and saw a reflection of a person that he didn't recognise. The person in the mirror stared back at him with the same questioning gaze. An infinite amount of thoughts crossed his mind. Too many thoughts, too many feelings and emotions. They overwhelmed him. Racing through his head and heart at 100 miles per hour. Kevin looked at the reflection one last time before he switched off the light.

He trudged toward the sofa and sat down. His tin of weed sat there open, bong just sitting a few inches away. In the dim shadowed light coming from the window, he packed it and blazed up the cone. One hit was all he needed. His mind slowed down to normal speed, and he could think clearly again.

Marissa lay there listening to the bubbling from Kevins bong. This was happening way too often. Not the drug use, even Kevin kept that under control. It was the erattic sleep patterns. Everyone sometimes mumbles in their sleep, but after Kevin mumbled incoherent words, he would start moving around, alot. Like his nightmares were real. After awhile he would just wake up panting, breathing heavily, and he would look so confused, like he had no idea where he was. Marissa often tried to speak to him when he was like this. But Kevin would just stare at her confused and disorentated and then go back to sleep. after a couple of minutes, Kevin usually woke up with no recollection of what just happened. He would go to the bathroom and go back to bed or watch some tv. It only started happening about a week ago. Marissa thought it would pass soon. What was he dreaming about? Can he even remember? She got up, it was a warm night and they were making love earlier. She didn't have any clothes on. She moved around in the darkness trying to find one of Kevins t-shirts.

Kevin packed the bowl again and reached for his lighter, a slender hand quickly snatched it away from his finger tips.

"Couldn't sleep too huh?" Kevin smiled.

"No, I could. You just woke me up." Marissa was being a smart ass, smiled back at him politely. Kevin sat on the sofa in his underwear, his left arm on the armrest. Marissa slid on to the sofa, resting her head on the inside of his elbow. She was comfortable there. if she could feel his warmth, him breathing, she was comfortable. Marissa reached down and sparked the lighter, she pointed it at the bowl. Kevin put his mouth on the bong and drew back slowly until his lungs were full. Marissas arm went limp as Kevin leaned in for what looks like a kiss. She pressed her open mouth to his and inhaled as Kevin exhaled. As the smoke filled her lungs, she wrapped her arms around him tighter, taking it all in. Marissa hated bongs and prefered to smoke jays or smoke from Kevin. She opened her eyes as she exhaled. She melted into his arms.

"What do you dream about?" Marissa asked clearly stoned.

"I dunno." Kevin replied. It was a dead response.

Marissa knew by Kevins tone that he didn't want to talk about it anymore... 'like that's ever stopped me.' she thought to herself.

"I know you don't want to talk about it..." She started,

"Then stop asking." Kevin ended. "C'mon Marissa, I really don't want to get into it right now."

"You mumble things in your sleep you know." Marissa said mysteriously, trying to bait him.

"I do? What do I say?" Kevin felt defensive, but a part of him was curious to know what was happening in his nightmares, because he honestly couldn't remember much from them. Sometimes Kevin thinks he remembers seeing pieces of metal being thrown around, other times he feels that his heart is breaking, even though it was just a dream. They were the only bits of information or feelings he could roughly collect concerning these nightmares.

"Well, I can't actually understand you..." Marissa said honestly. Kevin laughed.

"If I knew what was happening in my head, you know I would tell you right?" Kevin asked.

"Of course." Marissa replied, then she waited for him to reveal more.

"But these dreams or nightmares, whatever they are they disappear as soon as I wake up. Just like that, they're gone... but, my heart, I dunno, it feels... anyway, Marissa, if I ever lost you, I don't know what I would do. I can't ever lose you Marissa, ever. I love you too much." Kevin couldn't look her in the eyes, his mind was trying to grab his thoughts as they bounced around his mind.

Marissa gazed at him, watching him think, a girl head over heels in love. She knew he meant those words. Kevin made her feel more loved than anyone else. She sat up and wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closely into her chest.

"Kevin, you're not going to lose me okay? Ever. I have never loved anyone the way I love you." She held him close.

"How long do you think we'll last?" Kevin whispered.

"Forever." Marissa replied.


	16. Chapter 16

**Dearly Beloved: Morning Glory Redux (soon after Marissa's death)  
**

Kevin Volchok lay there on his side, his bed was warm and he could sense the early morning sun peaking through the windows. He was warm, he was cosy, and for the first time in a long time, his head didn't ache.

Eyes closed, he tried to pick up on the sound of her breathing. He felt her presence there, just a few inches away from his back. He wanted to turn around and hold her, but he was afraid to. Something held him back.

Marissa slid her body across the sheets, pressing her body against his back. The shape of her body adjusting to match his. She ran her fingers across his stomach, it tightens. She peaked over his head to see his lips form the tiniest of smiles. She grinned. She lay her head down and put her hand flat against his chest. His heart was beating, it was beating faster than it should, especially for a sleeping boy.

He felt her warm hand on his chest and it made him melt, he felt nervous, there were so many things he wanted to say but all he could do was lie in silence. He put his hand on top of hers, pressing it into his chest a little more. If he couldn't tell her how he felt at least he could show her what she did to him.

Marissa kisses his neck. Her soft lips pursed, she kisses his back.

Kevin feels a tingle ripple across his whole body. She had an electric touch, that made his heart beat and his mind melt.

She leans over him again, her hair falls on his cheek, across his eyes. He blinks once, twice. The light momentarily blinding him. Kevin turns around and faces her, but she's gone. Like tears in the rain, his beautiful mess disappears.

She was gone, forever. There was no one there... a lucid dream.

He sighs, and pulls the covers up higher, wrapping himself. It's cold again, and the light fades as clouds glide overhead.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thoughts Of A Dying Atheist**

Kevin was stuck in a slump. On the run. He couldn't take it. He couldn't stop thinking about her. His guitar strap hung around his neck. The loop was loose and so was the knot, it made for a quicker tightening and once it tightened, he knew he couldn't get out of it. It was a safety precaution, to make sure he didn't chicken out at the last moment. Kevin smiled weakly, "safety precaution" he thought to himself. Why would anyone think about safety when preparing to take their own life? The irony.

Kevin saw alot of irony in the weeks leading up to this moment. The irony in trying to stop the girl he loved from running away, to save her from this miserable life, only to have been responsible for her death. "Forever..." it echoed in his mind, "How long do you think we'll last?"... Forever seemed like a bloody short time. He cried. His chest heaved, it hurt, it hurt so much. He felt hollow. He felt so empty. Kevin would torture himself every night, allowing the memories of her to flood his mind. He couldn't help it, he missed her so much. Nothing could ever stop this pain. He still had some of her clothing. They still carried her scent.

He was angry, so full of white rage. But no one saw it. He walked like a ghost who was in limbo. He cleaned the bars and collected the glasses silently, ignoring the drunken tourists. Whenever he caught a girl eyeing him, he'd look away. How could he ever look at another woman let alone love another person? Ryan came for him. but he didn't care. "Turn yourself in", they would say, but turning himself in was the easy way out. In prison, people do the punishing for you. This was his agony, his fight and if anyone was going to punish him, it would be himself.

From his position atop the stool, he could see his reflection in the mirror. A broken man with dark sunken eyes stared back at him, no sympathy, just sadness. 'Last words?' he thought to himself... There was nothing more to say. He pulled out the pair of handcuffs from his pocket. The hand cuffs he had nicked from a cop so many months ago. The same pair of handcuffs he used with her, during times when things were less complicated, when it was just them. He snapped them onto his left wrist, and brought his arm behind his back. He fiddled behind his back with his right hand and managed to snap them shut. there was nothing he could do to get out of this now.

Kevin Volchok awkwardly kicked the stool, it was heavier than he thought, he kicked it again, and started to cry. One last time, he heaved all his weight forward and for a fraction of a second he felt like he was floating.

They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die, but Kevin saw more than a flash. It was like an endless movie, the greatest film he'd ever seen. The story of his life, from his birth until death. Memories long forgotten came flooding back, he lived them like he was there. But memories can't be changed, and that night she died, played the same way.

"Stop the car!" he yelled. All he wanted to do was talk to her. And he knew why she didn't want to. She had told him a few nights before. She loved him so much. No one ever loved him the way she did. No one. All he had to do was look her in the eyes and anything he said she would do. It worked both ways. She may have needed some time out but love never dies. She couldn't talk to him because she knew the second that she did, she would fall back into his arms and they would go back to the blissful life they had together. Kevin recognised their mistakes now. He saw the balance of life, and he saw how they stood only at one end of the spectrum. Few people understood the love they had because few people ever allowed themselves to be so immersed in another individual.

Through dying eyes, he saw her yelling at Ryan to stop the car. She was scared. Through dying eyes he saw Ryan continue speeding up, and the white rage surged in him. Is that how she passed away? Scared? Kevin died twice that evening. Memories long forgotten returned...

Kevin saw the swing set infront of him, bright red poles with shiny steel chains. The park was large, it was clean, he was 7years old, and his Mom was sitting on the park bench talking to someone. He felt sad that day, his Grandfather had passed away a week before hand. Mom said that his Grandfather left them a very generous gift, because he loved them. They were moving near the park soon. The neighbourhood was so different to his home though, it was so clean, everything looked new, the name was stupid though. Orange County? he didn't see any oranges anywhere! Kevin didn't get it.

That swing set sure looks enticing though. He walked towards it, he couldn't wait to get on. But then a girl from no where just jumped on. Where did she come from? Kevin felt irritated. He wanted to get on that swing. He turned around to see where his Mom was, she looked busy, talking to that man. His Mom said that man could help turn grandfathers gift into something worth alot more.

The girl on the swing smiled brightly as Kevin walked up to her.

"Hi!" she said. Kevin cringed.

"I wanted to go on the swing first." he grumpily stated.

"No, I'm not done yet." the girl said. She kept swinging. Kevin didn't know what to say. he looked around the park. none of the other equipment looked as enticing. There was the see-saw but he was alone.

"I saw it first, I'm telling my Mom." kevin threatened. but the girl kept swinging, she was having too much fun, fun that he was supposed to be having.

"Where's your Mom?" she asked. Kevin turned and pointed to the park bench.

"She's talking to my daddy! There's a see-saw over there, do you want to play with me?" she asked. Kevin thought about it. He smiled.

"Okay." Kevin watched as the girl swiftly jumped off the moving swing and land on her feet. She ran to the see-saw, he chased after her.

"I'm Kevin, what's your name?" he asked.

"I'm Coop." she replied.

They rocked back and fourth smiling, giggling in the late afternoon sun. Kevin turned around and checked the park bench, his mother was gone, so was Coop's father. He turned to face his new friend but she was gone too, in her place an older girl sat there. The see-saw stopped moving. This part he didn't remember...

"Kevin, did you want to go for a walk?" She asked.

"Where's my Mom?" Kevin asked cautiously, he felt nervous. He stepped off the see-saw. The older girl walked towards him and offered her hand. He looked up into her eyes and felt, safe.

"I'm Marissa." she said. Kevin gave her his hand and she guided him to the footpath.

From where they were standing they could see the beach, and the sun slowly falling behind the horizon. Kevin watched in amazement at the beauty of it all. He looked up at Marissa, she smiled warmly at him.

"Are you an angel?" he asked. She had to be.

"No, I'm here to tell you, that when the sun finally disappears, and the all the light is gone, you have to wake up, okay Kevin?"

"But I like it here." Kevin said, he wrapped his arms around her more tightly, her fingers lovingly ruffling his hair. The light was quickly fading. Kevin held onto her tighter. Marissa knelt down, and cupped Kevins young face in her hands.

"I'm waiting for you okay? But I'm not here." She kissed his forrid, and hugged him tightly. Kevin could smell her scent, it smelled so familiar... the young Kevin began to cry as the water turned black, and all light disappeared. He tried to hold on tighter, but something was pulling her away, he lunged forward.

Kevin woke up, panting, his face was soaked in tears and the light was blinding. He gasped for air, everything was white.

"She's alive!", he whispered hoarsely.

"What?" a familiar voice echoed. His head ached.

"She's still alive!" Kevin whispered again, it took all his energy, suddenly a familiar face matched the voice he heard.

Seth Cohen gently put his hand on Kevin's chest, easing him back into the hospital bed.


	18. Chapter 18

Lost

The sheets were rough, they didn't feel comfortable. They're like the hospital version of McDonalds napkins, a poor substitute for the real thing. It had been 2 days since he first woke up. And his mind was still cloudy. He couldn't remember what had happened. Was Cohen here? He couldn't be sure, Kevin had been drifting in and out of deepsleep for the past 2 days, only reaching consciousness a few times. He tried to focus, focus on the moment he saw the light, the moment he woke up and was blinded by the white walls. Did he see Marissa? It felt like a lifetime had passed since he saw her. Kevin shifted his head and felt a searing pain in his neck.

"Woah, easy there. You've been out for while. It might hurt to move at first." Seth was sitting just out of sight from Kevins viewpoint.

"W-What happened?" Kevin asked, his head aching with every syllable.

:"You don't, like, remember?" Seth felt uncomfortable, he really didn't want to verbalise what he saw. it had already been repeating in his head everyday for the last month.

"Was I in a car accident?" Kevin was trying to focus on a single memory but nothing.

"You kinda went through a hard time and I guess it was too much for you man. You tried to kill yourself."

"No... I would've used a gun." Kevin knew it would've been logical for him to make it quick..

"I was there dude, I found you. nearly broke my shoulder trying to get your door open too. If i was any later..." Seth trailed off as his mind went through what could've been.

Then it started creeping up on him, slowly at first, just a familiar feeling of heart ache, a dull throbbing in his chest, a shortness of breath, and then the monster revealed itself. Volchok remembered why he had tried to end his miserable life. He had lost the very reason to live. Tears welled in his eyes as he turned to face Cohen, he forced a smile, but it was a look of painful acceptance.

"For a moment there, I thought Marissa was... okay."

Seth kept his eyes lowered.

"How long has it been since I- since you found me?"

"A month."

"You been watchin' my back?"

"Yeah."

"... I didn't ask you to..."

"Well idiots don't normally ask for help, thats why they make mistakes, and thats why the're idiots.

Kevin couldn't help but let out a painful chuckle.

"Kevin, I've got to get back to my hotel, I've got a meeting." Seth stood up.

"Where are we man?"

"New York City."

"How did we get..."

"The medical facilities in TJ weren't up to my standards, yours perhaps, but not mine." Seth smiled. it was good to see him talking again, it was good to see him do anything again, after the whole lifeless body hanging from the ceiling ordeal...

"I've got to go," Cohen put on his coat and started for the door. "I'll send in a Doctor for you on the way out, and by the way, you might want to try and get your strength back quickly,"

"Why?"

"I found Marissa."

(to be continued)


End file.
